I didn’t ask to be sexually assaulted.

I had something very special stolen from me a couple nights ago. I thought he was my friend, I thought he cared about me. I liked him. Hell, he was a family friend. I thought I could trust him, I did trust him. I was sleeping & woke up to someone touching me. I was confused & wasn’t really sure what was happening. He had his hand under my shirt & when I backed away he just pulled me back. I remember being so scared & not really knowing what was going on. He then proceeded to take off my clothes. I said no but later I thought maybe he didn’t hear me, maybe I didn’t say it loud or clear enough. I was struggling but eventually just gave up.. I remember telling myself that there is no way I am going to get out of this, he obviously didn’t care if I said no. He ended up taking my virginity away from me. Something I wanted to save for later on in life when I found someone I really truly loved. When he finally left I crawled in bed with my mom and told her everything that happened. I cried myself to sleep for nights. I was so hurt. I was disgusted with myself. I felt like it was my fault.. I thought I was a whore. I still cry about it. Heck, I still think it’s my fault. I didn’t ask for that. I’m 15 years old, I shouldn’t of had to go through that. No one should have to go through that. My mother told me “Don’t let this change you,” but it has changed me. I liked the way I was before and I just want it back. I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t. I’m lost & confused & some people are telling me it’s my fault and to stop looking for attention and others are promising me that I’ll be okay but I don’t think I’m ever gonna be okay. I have no one that understands and I honestly just feel like dying. I trusted him. He was my friend. Friends don’t do this…. So why?

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